Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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