I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
