go do what you do best...puke behind churches
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
