so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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