I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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