other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
