I can tuck mytits in my pants
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
