just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
