Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
