Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
