She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize