Cold hands, warm shart.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You took a bar mat shot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
