I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
