So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
