I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
