is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
my liver is dry heaving
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
