You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
