Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
