I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
