i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
