bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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