I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
