Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
