I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
