He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
