Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
