I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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