Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
