babies were throwing up all over the place
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I touched a dick in church today
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