our cab driver is having phone sex.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
