Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
