just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
