Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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