there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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