We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
