i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
