plz talk dirty to me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
