there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
