Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am midnight drunk by noon
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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