Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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