If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
