How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
