Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
