bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
