I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
