I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize