so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do herpes really smell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
