Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
