is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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