Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
