i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
