Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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