What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize