Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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