It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's like iHOP with fire
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
