if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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