I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
