Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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