Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
