So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
