fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
