She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
