Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
