She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
