I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
