Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
