he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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