Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
