trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
