i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
