it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
