i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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