Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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