a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
