Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
