I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
