Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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