theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
