did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
