Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
