I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
