Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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