Your mouth is God's brothel.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
