Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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