no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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